


Ganondorf/Tingle

by rynling



Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Fridge Horror, M/M, Ocarina of Time Universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-17
Updated: 2015-08-17
Packaged: 2018-04-15 05:28:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4594596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rynling/pseuds/rynling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The villain of the Zelda games comes face to face with the true evil plaguing Hyrule. Someone said this ship couldn't be done, so I did it. You're welcome.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ganondorf/Tingle

**Author's Note:**

> A special present for [BlueGanon on Tumblr](http://blueganon.tumblr.com/). 
> 
> May she one day find it in her heart to forgive me for this.

The moon didn't fall. The world was saved, but it was not he who saved it. Another year, another disappointment.

Tingle was a cartographer, and a damn good one at that. He had traveled to all corners of Termina, and his maps hung on the walls of all of its people, regardless of whether they actually dared to venture outside of their small outposts of safety and security. His maps had even aided the green-clad Hero of Time in some small measure.

Although few had witnessed his bravery, the boy who had come to Termina was a hero, no doubt about it. He looked the part, and he even had a fairy companion to guide him. He had gone places Tingle would never go, and he had seen things Tingle would never see. Tingle resented him, but what could he do? He was 35 years old, and no great destiny had ever been visited upon him.

His father, a giant bear of a man, repeatedly asked him when he would come to his senses and quit doing "that sort of thing." Tingle had one dream, and that was to become a forest fairy. He wanted to fly freely and unafraid. Because that could not happen, he did the best he could with halfway measures. He covered himself in dashing forest green garb that was strong enough to deflect stones and arrows. He painted a viper on his sky blue rucksack to scare away guays. He floated daintily through the air on a rupee red balloon, letting nothing escape his piercing eyes. He had even invented the words to his own magic spell, which would release joy and glitter into the heart of anyone who heard it. And yet, somehow, there was still something missing.

Why did the gods ignore his prayers? What would it take to reshape the world into a place where his dream could be realized? If only he could have one wish granted...

**_If you would seek change, you must first seize the power to force your will into existence._ **

Tingle gasped. It was said that Hylian ears could hear the whispers of the gods. Could it be that he was finally receiving a sacred message...?

**_Foolish mortal! I am not of this land, but of something far deeper. I was here before the gods came, and I will be here long after their light has faded away._ **

"Oh, great presence. It is an honor to hear your words. Did you come to make Tingle... a fairy?"

The voice laughed, and the earth shook in response. So he wasn't just hearing things, then. This was real! This was his chance!

**_If you pledge yourself to me as my vessel, you will be the greatest of fairies. You will be the king of fairies! You will destroy all usurpers who falsely claim to be fairies._ **

"Well..." Tingle hesitated. He didn't know what to make of this whole 'destroy all usurpers' business, but it probably wasn't important. "Okay. As long as I get to become a fairy."

**_So be it. Your soul and mine shall be as one!_ **

Tingle screamed as his body began to change. His anguished cries echoed throughout Termina but soon subsided into a dark and pregnant silence.

 

**Kooloo °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖° Limpah**

 

Ganondorf cracked his knuckles and twisted his wrists in their manacles. He had learned patience in the still watches of the desert nights, but the length of his imprisonment was growing ridiculous.

It had taken great effort to create a place for himself in the court of the Hylian king, and his objective was in his sight at long last. The ocarina was the key to opening the gate within the Temple of Time, and the princess was the key to the ocarina. He sensed it would be difficult to intimidate her, but he could charm her if need be. It might take years, but what matter were a few years when the course of history was at stake? If no one interfered, the ocarina would be his, and he and his people would no longer be shut out of the Sacred Realm.

But then into the castle came the boy in green, no doubt directed by the dying gasp of the infernal Deku Tree, a being too old to sense the winds of change even as they tore through its leaves. Somehow the boy had found his way to the princess, and the two children together had spoken against him to the throne. The king was half-mad and willing to pay heed to any whispers that made their way into his ears, a tendency of which Ganondorf was keenly aware. When the boy and girl, neither of whom had seen a full decade of life, told the aging king of their childish fantasies, the man had listened, and so he had been sent to the dungeons without trial or witness.

He could easily break his bonds, but it would do no good, as his escape would only serve to upset the groundwork of his carefully laid plans. And so he waited for cooler heads to prevail.

The allies who came rushing to free him were not what he expected.

The princess and her would-be hero barged into his cell, begging him to aid them. "A great evil has beset Hyrule," the young girl explained. "You must join with us to help defeat it!"

The boy unlocked his chains, and Ganondorf stood and stretched. He had been working to create such an opportunity, and now the perfect scenario had fallen right at his feet in the form of a sequel to the chimerical scenario that had landed him in the dungeon in the first place. How the gods enjoyed their irony!

"As you wish," he said, almost but not quite succeeding in keeping the annoyance out of his voice. "I live to serve Hyrule. Take me to this 'great evil,' for I would see it with my own eyes."

 

**Kooloo °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖° Limpah**

 

The Kokiri Forest was in flames. Ganondorf had some inkling of the ancient magic protecting the woods, and he didn't understand how the conflagration could be possible. "So he's already made it this far," the princess muttered. The boy seemed embarrassed and uncomfortable.

From the fire emerged a dark shadow. Ganondorf dismounted and walked forward to meet it. The hero made to join him, but the girl held him back.

Wreathed in billowing smoke was a towering figure, his chiseled body hidden only by a long green waistcloth. He moved like flowing lava, blackening the grass under this feet. His eyes flashed danger. At his side was a massive weapon that seemed less like a sword than a claw wrenched from the hand of a dragon. Sprouting from his back were four shimmering wings.

Ganondorf stood before him. "Hail, stranger," he said. "What is your business in Hyrule?"

The man – if it was a man – laughed at him. "Well met are we, you who are so close to me in strength yet unworthy of my power."

Ganondorf gritted his teeth. "And what power would that be?"

"The power – of a FAIRY!"

Ganondorf braced himself against the swell of energy that pounded against him, and his eyes were momentarily blinded by sparkles. He shook his head to clear his vision. Finally, a worthy opponent! He lunged forward, shouting, "Warlock PUNCH!!!"

"Tingle is not impressed by your silliness!" the being said, effortlessly blocking the blow. He wrapped Ganondorf's fist in his own and crushed it. Ganondorf screamed in rage, and he was thrown backwards.

"You cannot hope to defeat Tingle! I am a fairy, and I am invincible. Join me, or die."

Ganondorf climbed to his feet. Why weren't those idiot children helping him? Why wouldn't the boy draw his sword, or the princess let fly her arrows? He scowled. "Tell me why I shouldn't exhaust my considerable resources to drive you from these lands instead."

Tingle's face twisted into a terrible smile. "You are an interloper within Hyrule, just as I am. Your dreams have been denied you, just as mine once were. Become my general, and together we will raze the green fields of this kingdom to ash."

Ganondorf stepped backward, readying himself to flee with the children if necessary. "Your power may be great, but Hyrule is even greater. It will take more than a fairy to bring this land to its knees."

Tingle bared his teeth. "You forget that I bear the greatest power of a fairy – I can restore the dead to life. With an army of undead slaves, Hyrule will be mine!"

Ganondorf blanched. If the being spoke truly, then there would be no stopping it. He felt a small hand tugging at his belt. He shifted his eyes downward to see Link offering him an empty milk bottle. Sudden understanding dawned on him.

"Now!" the princess yelled, and her golden arrow flew forward like a comet, striking the monstrous fairy directly in its heart. Ganondorf rushed forward and swung the bottle, capturing Tingle within its glassy depths.

Aside from the distant crackling of the forest fire, everything was silent. Ganondorf raised the bottle to his face. Tingle darted back and forth, screaming with mute and ineffectual fury as he pounded the curved wall of the vessel.

Link shot him a thumbs up. "You did good, kid," Ganondorf grumbled.

The princess trotted forward on her pony. "Give the demon to me," she said. "He must be sealed properly."

Ganondorf shook the bottle, and the captured fairy tumbled backwards, its waistcloth falling open. "I don't think so, Your Highness," he responded. "This may just be the most bizarre thing I've ever encountered, and I'd like to have some fun with it."

Zelda sighed and rolled her eyes. She may be have been young in years, but she was old enough to know that this could only end in disaster.


End file.
